Tuesday, February 21, 2006

TVMA - LSV

If you can't fuck...shiiiiiit.
And if you can't shit...fuuuuuuck.
- Redd Foxx

I've heard it said that profanity is nothing more than a lazy mind trying to express itself. Well, that's just... just... that's... just... THAT'S FUCKIN' BULLSHIT, MAN! There are some great words in the English language, to be sure, but none more versatile, more agile...none more exquisitely simple and impactful than my favorite word...fuck.

You don't agree? Who gives a fuck?! See there. It fits almost any occasion.

Ladies, help me out. Tell me that in your lifetime you or a friend hasn't been fuckin' some fuck who didn't give a fuck and realized, "I'm fucked."

Fellas, tell me you've never heard a story about a "guys night out" that included something like this: He was so fucked up, he fucked with this guy and got fucked up. It was fucked up.

Try writing those sentences using some other word in place of fuck. It doesn't work. Recognize the power, the glory, of the mightiest of four letter words.

But my favorite employment of the f-bomb is the compound word. Sure, if someone does something you can't believe you could say, "Unbelievable." But there's a cathartic quality to saying, "Unbe-fuckin'-lievable." If you've never tried it, you should. Other favorites: Un-fuckin'-real. Whatso-fuckin'-ever. Fan-fuckin'-tastic. It really does work with anything. As a matter of fact, as you read this you may be thinking, "This is ri-fuckin'-diculous!" That's the spirit!

I've found that the average spell check does not even recognize this titan of profanity. Believe you me, the word gets learned quickly when I'm at the keyboard. It has so very much to offer.

I was but a boy when the following cautionary tale was shared with me. It opened my eyes in more ways than one and I'd like to share it with you.


DON'T WORRY

There's only two fuckin' things to worry about
Either you fuckin'
or you ain't fuckin'
If you ain't fuckin',
you ain't got nothin' to worry about
But if you fuckin'...
There's only two fuckin' things to worry about
Either you fuckin' one person
or you fuckin' more than one person
If you fuckin' one person,
you ain't got nothin' to worry about
But if you fuckin' more than one person...
There's only two fuckin' things to worry about
Either they don't find out
or they do
If they don't find out
you ain't got nothin' to worry about
But if they do find out...
There's only two fuckin' things to worry about
Either they gon' be cool about it
or they gon' fuck you up
If they cool about it
you ain't got nothin' to worry about
But if they fuck you up...
There's only two fuckin' things to worry about
Either you'll be okay
or you'll fuckin' die
If you okay, you okay
you ain't got nothin' too worry about
But if you fuckin' die...
There's only two things to worry about
Either you'll go to heaven
or you'll go to hell
If you go to heaven
you ain't got nothin' to worry about
But if you go hell...
You'll be so fuckin' busy comparin' notes with muthafuckas who did the same fuckin' shit, you won't have time to fuckin' worry.


I love that one.

But A New Millennium Nigga isn't getting any younger. May be I should stop all this cursing...After all, I'm a father now...Not a baby daddy, but a father...and I should set a clean-cut example...you know...clean up my act...

Nah...I'm just fuckin' wit ya!

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maya's first full phrase: "Mom ... dad, Alex won't stop fuckin' breathin hard and a sistah needs to get some fuckin' sleep! Ya' heard!"

Dad's response: "Girl, you betta stop that fuckin' cussin'!"

Toni

10:47 AM  
Blogger New Millennium Nigga said...

LOL!

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another great quote w. the f-bomb..

Sean Pruitt of the Fighting Illini Men's Basketball team to a homeless man outside of the bar at 2:30 in the morning:
"Everytime I see you dawg, I feel like f*ckin you up."

Don't you all wish you could have witnessed that?!

Court

2:13 PM  
Blogger New Millennium Nigga said...

Please share the whole speech, Court. The set up makes it even better.

And yes...I wish I had been there.

2:20 PM  

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