Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Flava Slave, Part Deux

First, let me revisit "First of all...Fuck R. Kelly" (Feb. 2, 2006) with this update.

AR-UH YOU KIDDING ME? I received an email this morning that tells of a new Kelly tape. This one is from Kerry Kelly -- an unfortunate name to be sure -- R. Kelly's brother, who reportedly drops dime on the genius mind that brought us a tale of incontinent midgets. Highlights? Kerry claims that Ar-uh is a molester...No!...that it was R. Kelly on the infamous DVD...You don't say? That was R. Kelly on the DVD that was marketed and sold with the title "R. Kelly Sex Tape"?...and that the #1 man of R&B (Get it? #1...Get it?) is a bisexual. (I told you! "Trapped in the Closet"?!?! Hellooooo.) Moving on...


An open letter to Chuck D,

Whuh happin'd? I know you saw Flav on "The Surreal Life" acting all love sick over Brigitte Nielsen. It was funny at first. I figured it was bizarre and thus decent TV. I also thought that would be the end of it. I imagine you hoped the same thing. Then came "Strange Love" or as I like to call it "After-Birth of a Nation." What the fuck was that? I ain't got nothin' against interracial dating, but I do have something against watching a brother who used to fight the power chase after some tore-down White woman like she's got the cure to cancer leaking out her ass.

"Red Sonja" came out in 1985. Let's face it. "Gita's" (why does he call her that?) best days were during the Reagan administration. These days she's as busted as R. Kelly after Kerry's tell-all DVD. The woman has a face that could curdle milk. Now, some have suggested -- and I tend to agree with them -- that you should personally pimp slap some sense into Flav. It seems that you have chosen not to and I am left wondering why.

You gave the verbal "Don't Worry, Be Happy" smackdown to Bobby McFerrin and what the fuck did he ever do to you? Meanwhile, Flav disrespected the sacred by letting "Gita" get on stage with Public Enemy. She fucked up the entire show. She made a mockery of the entire fucking thing. She would not have pulled that stunt with Van Halen, but since you were all just a bunch of monkeys doing a bunch of ghetto garbage music she didn't have to show you any respect at all. She should have died by S1W firing squad that night as far as I'm concerned. Instead, I got a letter from the government the other day. I opened and read it. They said y'all was suckas.

Damn, man. He lets her call him "Foofie" public... By the time y'all get to Arizona, the governor will be laughing at Public Enemy and, sadly, so will I. Help a nigga out, Chuck.

Now, let me be clear, Chuck. I would guess that at this point you are thinking something along the lines of "That's not me. That's Flav." But I have to talk to you, Chuck. You were always the one with sense. Flav was the comic relief that kept you from going into a Black Power Black Hole. It was yin and yang...Batman and Robin...cookies and milk...Peaches and Herb...and it worked. But now Flav has gone too far, too muthafuckin' far I say. He's off the deep end and you are the only person I can think of who has a chance of bringing him back.

So do us all a favor. Grab that branch he broke as he fell out of the ugly tree and beat some muthafuckin' sense into him. Take him back to the days when he might have always been joking, but he wasn't a such a fucking joke.

A New Millennium Nigga
Member, Party for Your Right to Fight


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn! Tell us how you really feel!

"She should have died by S1W firing squad that night as far as I'm concerned. Instead, I got a letter from the government the other day. I opened and read it. They said y'all was suckas." Now that's some dark shit! Or is that Flava Flav?! Too fucking funny!

R. Kelly is bisexual ... surprise! BTW, the bisexuals don't want his child molesting ass so we can give him to the Catholic Church where all the best child molesters hang out! Or maybe the State of California can move him around like a king in a freakish three-card-monty game!


11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, I have a question: Is it because it's Flav that you're so upset? I mean if it was Gary Coleman for example, would you be so...angry?

This guy was never an upstanding citizen. He always wore the clock around his kneck. He's had drug problems and has been publicly cited for being deliquent on his child support payments. It's not like this is a departure from a once stellar public reputation. I get why you're not happy with Chuck, but "She should have died by S1W firing squad?" Damn!


12:08 PM  
Blogger New Millennium Nigga said...


Put simply, no, I wouldn't care nearly as much if this were Gary Coleman because Gary Coleman doesn't represent the same things to me.

As far as being an upstanding citizen, you have a good point. I've been thinking about it for a bit and here's what comes to mind.

1. The clock used to be around his neck so that he could show you "what time it is." Now, it is no more than buffoonish prop. It could just as well be a "Crunk Juice Goblet."

2. I think that some of his legal problems -- and there were several incidents -- came later (in the '90's) though I would have to check. I feel pretty confident that is the case because I remember having a "fall from grace" feeling about it.

3. Finally, even when he was a clown (e.g. not taking care of his kids) it didn't feel like he was such a constant source of amusement for White America. He may have been the court jester, but he was a part of a group that was scary for many. And, in my opinion, they needed to be scared. Issues like the King holiday (By The Time I Get To Arizona), neglect of Black communities (911 is a Joke) and the crack epidemic (Night of the Living Baseheads) needed to be addressed

Anyway, that's the way I sees it. Listen, I watch "Being Bobby Brown" religiously. I can appreciate some trashy TV now and then. But I think some sistahs might be disappointed if Mary J. Blige or even Beyonce --since you have already professed your love of all things Destiny's Child -- turned up on Elim-A-Date...playing themselves at that.

2:01 PM  
Anonymous VI said...

bout time someone spoke out on Flava Flav. His airtime is really an embarassment. But of course, corporate america will continue to capitalize...

3:03 PM  

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