Monday, February 05, 2007

H.N.I.C.

My apologies, dear readers. I meant to share this Musing days ago, but I’ve been very busy. (Must say though, that there’s something that feels right about a Black History Month celebration starting late.) Anyway, here’s the Musing:

First of all…fuck Black History Month! Those of you who’ve been with NMN since the beginning know that Black History Month is where it all started. (Has it really been a year already?) And if you recall, the Musing-a-Day campaign was my alternative to the usual Black history trivia that gets tossed around every year.

“Some nigga invented some obscure shit. (Thoughtful pause.) It’s not African-American history. It’s American history.” No, it’s trivia. And it should come as no surprise that a people who are defined and who define themselves with trivia can be dismissed as trivial.

So, if you want to sit around smiling piously at a fucking jar of peanut butter, be my guest. (No disrespect to Dr. Carver, of course.) But I know that I must do something more to celebrate this February. And this it.

New Millennium Nation we are going to elect an HNIC.

That’s right. We’re going to decide on a Head Nigga In Charge. People are always asking, “Who speaks for Black America? Jesse? Rev. Al? Bobby Brown?” Now, we’ll know once and for all.

Next time the likes of Michael Richards says some racist shit he won’t have to wander aimlessly looking for a Black person who can grant absolution on behalf of all Black people. (Note: This is not to suggest that the HNIC must be Black. People of all races are welcome to run. As a matter of fact, a White person might do quite well as Whites have a long history of telling Blacks what Blacks think.) The world has become such a complex, confusing place. This is just my small way of helping to simplify things for people.

Reparations? Police brutality? Flava Flav? The Head Nigga In Charge will be the decider, like Dubya. And you know that means he (OR SHE!) won’t have to listen to anybody. That’s one powerful nigga. As a matter of fact, that nigga might be a no-nigga-sayin’-nigga, in which case that nigga might outlaw the use of the word nigga.

(The nerve. After A New Millennium Nigga was the nigga who had the idea to have niggas vote on the Head Nigga In Charge in the first muthafuckin’ place. See how niggas are?)

Here’s the deal. Post your nominations and by month’s end we will have elected the first official HNIC. You can nominate anyone -- anyone at all – except A New Millennium Nigga. (One, I wouldn’t want this to feel like Florida 2000. And two, I’ve had the experience of trying to organize niggas and it ain’t fun.)

So, be creative. Despite Sen. Biden’s preferences, the nigga you nominate doesn’t even have to be particularly clean. Let’s get to work people. If you don’t participate in the political process, I don’t want to hear you complaining when Gary Coleman is calling the shots for Black America. (Whachu talkin’ ‘bout, niggas?)

HNIC 2007. It’s not just going to be a part of African-American history. It’s going to be a part of American history. (Note: And it should be a fucking blast!)

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will start off with a vote for Jay-Z. First - we already have his official theme song - "Jigga - what's my motherfuckin' name?"

Next - he runs Def Jam - a place for all the official niggas in hip-hop - who better to be HNIC than a nigga already IC of official niggas?

Third - he owns a damn basketball team. And we already know who plays basketball... That's right! Mo' niggas - mo' niggas - mo' niggas! (In fact - if Jigga were any bigga then he would be the biggest nigga - which is exactly why I am voting for him today).

Last - but certainly not least - And the biggest reason of all - this nigga was on a SUPERBOWL commercial! - You really don't get much bigger than that.

So - I will throw Mr. Jigga, My Nigga - himself - into the ring for 2007's HNIC!


(And - I can't make this up - just as a sign from above that Jigga really should be HNIC - my word verification started off with the following letters: "JYZ"!

Beat that - suckas!!!!

Signed: One BKNYite to another...

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I nominate Clarence Thomas for Head Nigga in Charge. He has lifetime tenure as Scalia's "Yes Man" and with his ears cocked to hear his master's voice, he can serve simultaneously as HNIC and Supreme Court Justice.

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I nominate the male niglet...a one year old who has decided he will use "d" to start ever word is def. in charge to me!

-Court

9:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I nominate Mrs. Nigga as HNIC! She brings home the bacon (even though someone in her house won't eat pork - the official nigga food - what gives?), she fries (or broils) it up in a pan; she takes care of those crazy niglets; she never lets Mr. Nigga forget she's DA MAN! Imagine what she would do to Hilary in the Primaries! Surely, as HNIC, she would have to make a run for the White House or just run the White (Nigga) House!

Toni

9:31 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I nominate Bill Cosby. 'Cuz he was right.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous D Mang of the Eastern Seaboard said...

I nominate Tony Dungy, a proven leader and beacon of grace in a league known best for the wince-worthy antics of T.O., Tank, "Ocho Cinco" and the Haynesworth Stomp. Who better to lead, than a man who simultaneously built a winning team franchise and a winning coaching franchise that pits him against a protege for the championship? Compare that to the backstabbing bitterness of the Parcells tree. Who better to lead than a man who endured the deepest loss one can know, and managed it in an unwavering fashion, even in the public spotlight?

4:06 AM  
Anonymous Kwame said...

Show Time, I say Show Time!!! Who else...but Mr. Cookie himself! Mr. How many businesses can I put my name on that I have no GotDamn idea of how to run. It is clear that the HNIC is Magic Johnson? When interviewed on 106 and Park Magic said, his only goal in life was to show the man that not only was he a good basketball player but he could also get black people to drink nonfat, light, vente, caramel, half whip...mochas (He didn’t really say this but it sounds true). Not only would he have them drinking coffee, he would strategically place his Starbucks in a 5 mile radius so that they could eat a meal (Magic’s Friday’s) watch a movie (Magic Theater) and get a loan (Magic’s WaMu) all in one afternoon...genius! Now only if we can work on that subject verb agreement...

Kwame

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Brandon said...

Oprah

7:24 AM  
Blogger white_and_proud said...

Condoleeza Rice seems to be a pretty solid citizen.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Angry White American Male said...

Barack Obama!

4:40 PM  

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