Tuesday, February 06, 2007

It's A Skating Party

I did my best to convince niggas to turn on him, to ostracize him. I figured that with half the population being women I had a chance. I mean, that "rape" after "statutory" would surely turn a nation of strong, independent Black women against the "Predator of the Prom." But I have learned my lesson. May Golden Shower Power rule forever. Nothing in this world -- NOTHING! -- shall come between niggas and the music they love.

I must even confess that I found myself at a Katt Williams concert in "The Chi" on my feet and nodding my head as Snoop put down some "That's That Shit." I have to admit that shit was hotter than the projects in August. Who am I to fight against the laws of nigga nature?

Okay. Okay. I know when I'm licked (so to speak). So I nominate a man who is more than a molester...more than a statutory rapist...more than a child pornographer. He also makes hot tracks.

He's even shared his campaign song, which I think gives us a glimpse into the man and his campaign.


I BELIEVE I CAN SKATE

You may think molestation is a crime
You may think that I should do hard time
But I’m one of the biggest stars in the world
So, it’s okay if I pee on little girls.

If I make hot tracks, Niggas will have my back
If I make their ass shake, Then there’s no debate

I believe I can skate
I believe I can beat the case
Ain’t gonna be locked up for one damn day
Get on my jet and fly away
I treat Black girls like little whores
And yet I’m running out the courtroom door
I believe I can skate (I can skate!)
I believe I can skate (I can skate!)
I believe I can skate...Woo!


Ladies and gentlemen, today's nominee for the esteemed position of HNIC...Robert Sylvester Kelly.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Seth said...

I'll second that nomination only if a requirement of office is that he delivers his State of the Nigga Union Address to the "tune" of Trapped in the Closet. ...that shit's lunacy is sheer genius.

7:34 PM  

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