Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A Thin Line

First of all...Fuck Kanye West! Well, not really. I mean...the music is hot. But no, on second thought, fuck him! Wait...

See, here's my problem. There's a thin line between love and hate and, for me, Kanye hopscotches back and forth over and all along that muthafucka.

There's the issue of the arrogance. Not only does this nigga act like his shit don't stink, I'm half-expecting to log on to eBay and see that he's trying to auction it off as sculpture. Boy, oh boy. I've never seen anybody who wasn't a yogi or named Ron Jeremy be this far on his own dick. I listen to him talk and it brings out the hater in me. I sit there thinking, "I hope his next single ain't shit. That nig-- (The song comes on the radio.) Dammit! That shit is hot. This muthafucka keeps hittin' with straight heaters and it makes me sick!" Drats!

"Okay," I thought after "College Dropout" (more on that later), "He had his one hot album. But there's always the sophomore slump. There ain't no way he can do it aga--("Gold Digger" drops.) Nooooooooo! I'm even feelin' the name of the album, 'Late Registration.' Building on the whole 'College Dropout' theme, huh? Foiled again!" The second album was arguably hotter than the first.

But my main beef with Kanye runs much deeper than the fact that he acts like the sun rises and sets on his ass. It goes back to the message of "College Dropout." Throughout many of the songs and skits, Kanye basically rails against the very idea of education. In character, he quips in a nerdy voice -- you know the one used on Black sitcoms to signal that the nigga speaking has actually read a book with more words than pictures -- that he may not have any money, "but he can count up the change in your purse really fast." In the "Li'l Jimmy Skit" he assumess the persona of a Black homeless child who laments the fact that his well educated father left him nothing more than a stack of degrees that are good for nothing more than burning for heat.

Sure, based on listening to the nigga's lyrics, that he knew better, I got pissed at Kanye. Yeah, that's right Kanye. That's the problem with the Black community. Too much education. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! Are you really advising kids against going to school, against staying in school. Well, let me join in. Here are some other things that kids can aspire to, other than being a platinum artist like you, if they want to make good money without an education:

1. Professional lottery player - Every morning check with friends and family and ask if they had any peculiar dreams. If they did, all you have to do is figure out what number is going to play based on the image of Nana Jenkins riding an elephant down Flatbush Avenue and you are on easy street. Sure, the odds are millions to one, but at least you won't have to talk in that nerdy voice that all educated niggas are contractually obligated to use.

2. Pro Athlete - This is a popular one. Next time you're in the hood, swing by the basketball courts. See all those niggas playing and waiting for next? Ask yourself how many of them will be Lebron James someday. On a percentage basis -- wait, you don't understand percentages? because you didn't go to school? -- Well, that's alright. I'll break it down for you. You have a better shot with your dollar and your dream and going with #1.

3. Wish - When you're collecting bottles to pay for your lottery ticket...seeing as how you can't get your demo to anybody that matters and the market for 5'7" point guards isn't what you thought it would be...rub each and every bottle. May be some ghetto genie will pop out and will grant you three wishes. Be careful, though. You might want to spend one of those wishes on a financial planner or you might end up like Mike Tyson or MC Hammer, having made and lost the gross national product of a small nation. (What does gross national product mean?! Ask one of those nerdy voice niggas. I got other shit to do.)

I first heard it expressed by Malcolm X that Black kids grow up in poor areas with poor schools where they get poor educations that force them into poor jobs that pay poor wages that force them to live in poor areas where their kids get poor educations. The cycle has to be broken and Kanye is not helping...not one tiny little muthafuckin' bit with his stupid-ass skits.

"I hate Kanye. It's settled," I thought as I considered the bullshit he was serving our kids. Then came the Grammys.

"Got ya, now!" I was excited to see him in his Kool Moe Dee shades...inside. It was Michael Jackson-esque. At last he was going to play himself for good...and on the biggest stage music has to offer. He even showed up with his shirt open and his "taco meat" showing. (NMN has been informed that "taco meat" is what the folk in the beauty shop are calling those lovely little naps that reside on brothers' chests.) "Who are you supposed to be? You're going down, Mr. West. Once and for all." A sinister smile spread over my face. "I hate Kanye West."

Then came the performance. On a night when it was clear that video killed not only the radio star but also the live performance, Kanye, with the help of Jamie Foxx, ripped it. There I was alternating between nodding my head and shaking it. The marching bands. The stepping. The performance was the highlight of the night. DAMN YOU, KANYE WEST! I love that nigga, Kanye West!

No...I hate Kanye West...Well, I guess I love Kanye West!...No! Definitely hate. I hate--

This shit is giving me a fuckin' headache. To quote "College Dropout"...

"You know what, Kanye. You's a nigger. And I don't mean that in no nice way."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are reading my frickinin, frackinin mind!

But didn't the Rolling Stone cover move you back into the hate Kanye ring?


2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate him too!!!! Normally I am not a hater but I find myself being so with that bastard. I sat there watching that Unfuckinbelievable performance and I had to manually close my damn mouth because it was so hot. As soon as I turned to my wife and gave him his props the next words out of my mouth was I hate Kanye West!!!! I am all about a boasting MC but he is out of control. So today I join you in saying I hate Kanye but I kinda like his music…

3:00 PM  
Blogger New Millennium Nigga said...


I though the Rolling Stone cover was easy. At some point, when a "shocking" thing is done repeatedly, it becomes passe for me. Nas, Puff...back to the "Like A Prayer" video...the Jesus thing has been done.

With that said, it takes a significant ego (see he list above) to do that kind of thing with a straight face.

10:13 AM  

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