Monday, March 06, 2006

Katrina (The Remix)

Some people say that George W. Bush is always fucking lying. That's not true. Sometimes, he's fucking sleeping. And sometimes when he's awake, he isn't fucking speaking. But the rest of the time...when he parts the lips that form that smug fucking smile...he is one lyin' ass muthafucka.

Now, let me put something out there right up front. When I decided to write this "Musing" a couple people half-joked that I should be careful. I thought about it and for those who would warn me that I will now be on some government list... I’m a Black man who graduated from Yale and particpated in a protest or two while there. I’m guessing I’m already on some fucking list. Besides, what the fuck can this government do to me ain’t already been done? So you can warm up my cell at Abu-Ghraib, Dubya. Or you can just ship my Black ass off to Gitmo. But before you send me, you should know this. I ain’t afraid of menstrual blood nor my own, so in your own words, “Bring It On.” Greater is he that is in me than he who is in the Oval Office!

First of all...Fuck George W. Bush! I know he was a cheerleader back in the day, so let me put this in terms even he could understand.

Fuck George W. Bush!
Fuck him in his earhole!
Fuck him in his eyehole!
Fuck him in his
lyin’-ass piehole!

Didn't he specifically say that he didn't know what was happening as Katrina lashed the Gulf Coast like a runaway slave? Wasn't the popular response to criticism of the administration's response, or lack thereof, that the left was trying to blame Dubya for the weather? [Well, from what I'm told Bush and his cronies can take a little credit for the weather since the severity of these hurricanes lately has been linked by some to the very global warming this administartion insists "needs more study." (Translation: We're gonna keep farting this shit into the sky. Fuck the fucking consequences.) But that's another rant for another day.] Well, now it comes out. He was far more responsible for that catastrophe than he was saying. And in our law and order country, I'd like to know why no one is calling for the death penalty.

I, for one, don't believe in the death penalty. But I know that many in America do. So, if Tookie can be put to death for killing people why not Dubya? I assure you Dubya had more choices in life. 1,300 bodies found in Katrina's wake and nothing. Bad approval ratings?! That's the kind of "time-out" level punishment this murderer gets? I mean, I heard Tookie described as an animal. I'm pretty sure that he didn't kill 1,300 people, so how much more of an animal must Dubya be? And that's to say nothing of Iraq and it's 25,000 American casualties (a number put forth by Gary Hart on "Real Time" last week) and 2,300 dead American soldiers. How many people died in 9-11 again? What does this guy have to do to generate the kind of anger Janet's tit did? out a CIA operative? I don't want to actually say how I think the death penalty should be administered in this case, but suffice it to say it involves that smug fucking smile and a smidge of K-Y jelly.

But back to the tape. Not since R. Kelly has somebody been caught so red-handed fucking people on tape. He was told about the levees. He was told what would happen to those people. No questions. No nothing. Who knows what that "beautiful mind" was mulling over? May be he was contemplating the intricacies of a "Rocky & Bullwinkle" episode he had once seen? Or he could have been wondering if that coyote ever caught that pesky road runner. Or may be he was wondering if Fred Flintstone ever got strawberries on his feet, using them to brake like that. Or he could have been sorting out how they get the filling into Twinkies. Or why people park in driveways and drive on parkways. I have never been an idiot. I don't know what he was thinking. But I do know this. The nation got it's collective panties in a bunch wondering if Clinton fucked Monica. Where's the outrage at the fact that Curious George and his crew are fucking us all? It comes as no surprise though that this was kept a secret for so long.

Dubya, people like you have a long history of keeping your jaunts across the proverbial tracks…to say nothing of down to the slave quarters…pretty goddamn quiet. Congrats on fucking all those Black people. And in a twist, this time unwanted (at least by your administration) children died instead of being born. (To think, Essie Mae Washington-Williams could have inconvenienced good ol' Strom. Good thing she knew her nigger place, huh George?) And all those dying Black people means fewer Democrats. Talk about your win-win situations.

Let's be real. This Katrina shit is, at it's core, racial. I mean, Kanye missed a little of the point. ("George Bush doesn't care about Black people." is another check in the "I Love Kanye" column for me.) Dubya, et al don't care about poor people. Now, when you discuss Black people, you will eventually deal with poverty. And when you deal with poverty you will eventually deal with Black people. To be sure, Dubya doesn't give a fuck about Black people, but I remember seeing Brett Fahr-vruh trying to call his mother in the aftermath of Katrina and there won't be no crayon drawings of him goin' up next February. It's bigger than race. Here's how you know if you matter to this administration. Ask yourself, "Did I get a tax cut?" If the answer is no, you know they don't give a fuck about you. And yes, that includes the lemmings who voted based on the need to keep boys from marrying boys and girls from marrying girls. News flash: Gay people didn't want to fuck you, but Dubya seems to love puttin' his Wonka right up our collective chocolate factory.

It's fitting that they're called red states, because those who put this asshole in office have blood on their hands...and lots of it. This is not about Democrat versus Republican. This is not about liberal versus conservative. This is about right versus wrong. What happened in New Orleans was wrong and I want some satisfaction. The War in Iraq was wrong and is wrong and I want to know who will have to pay for the crimes (against humanity) that were committed. I want Cheney to be treated like a muthafucka who had alcohol on his breath and in his blood and shot somebody. Vice President, I would apologize for my language, but I heard how you talk on the Senate floor. You can take it. You're a big say nothing of being an evil fucking man.

And if this ever reaches you, John Kerry, I hope you're smiling. I hope you're agreeing with my assessment of this administration and feeling secure that you have an ally in me...because then I can picture the shock when I say...Fuck you, too! Fuck you and every plastic-spined, pussy-footin’ equivocatin’ member of your joke of a fucking party. The Democrats--or as I refer to them, The United Ankle Grabbers of America--have given this country away. Don’t blame those who voted for Nader. Neither election should have even been close. I have been a registered (and loyal) democrat for my entire voting life. But you should know this. I’m not voting for another fucking Democrat until I see that they stand for something. At this point, a stand in the great Coke vs. Pepsi debate would be an improvement over the hand-wringing, deer-in-the-headlights debacle we’ve been forced to endure.

You bumblin’ bastards couldn’t find your assholes with a flashlight and a road map and I’m not throwing my vote your way anymore until you earn it. I’ll vote for Nader. I’ll write in “None of the a-muthafuckin-bove”. I’ll vote for Tyrone-fuckin-Biggums before I cast another "lesser of two evils" vote. Fuck you, John Kerry, for being the kind of pussy who would “go hunting” but not carry the kill. You don’t stand for a goddamn thing and that’s why you fell in defeat to an incumbent who was an unabashed, unmitigated failure in every sense. The economy was a mess. An elective war had gone wrong. The man had publicly admitted that he doesn’t even read the newspaper. Fuck! What else did you need? A picture of him butt-fuckin’ a 12-year old Mexican border crosser who had been caught by the infamous militia men. Now you've got balls?! Stop emailing me. Too little, too late. You remind me of the guy yelling, "Hold me back" after the shit has already gone down, after the fight is over. You make me sick. You doomed us to this with your bullshit.

Moving on...

Dubya, I'm reminded of a time when I was a young boy. I don't remember how old I was, but I was young enough to still be playing with crayons. I know you still play with crayons -- How else would you pass the time as people read you boring memos entitled things like, "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States"? -- but the rest of us put aside our childish ways after a certain point. Anyway, my mother called me into her bedroom and pointed to the back of her door. "Did you write this?," she asked pointing to the crayon scrawling on the back of her door. I denied it. She pointed out that it was my name. I was a bad liar. I was punished. My mother taught me that it was wrong to lie. I know that your mother doesn't soil her "beautiful mind" with trivialities like the loss of American lives, so she may have also been above sullying her consciousness with the fact that her son is a fuckin' pathological liar. So, I'll tell you. It's wrong to lie, George. Some might even call it --gasp! -- a sin.

But I don't share this story to point out that my mother seems to have been a better human being and Christian than your mother. I'll leave those judgements to the ultimate judge. I share the story to point out that you are a horrible liar. The mission in Iraq is far from accomplished. Many children have been left behind. And you did know that the people of New Orleans were doomed. Is this the "honor and dignity" of which you spoke when you ran in 2000? Is this the compassionate conservatism that was the way to a better America? Is this the Christianity of which you so freely and frequently speak, alienating millions of Americans who do not believe in Christ and frightening those of us who do, but who generally try to utilize the gifts of reason and intellect as well?

To use a phrase you once butchered beyond fucking recognition...Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, shame on us. And we should be ashamed that the self-proclaimed greatest country on Earth could not find a leader better than you, a man who had been mediocre on the best days of his privileged life. You couldn't run baseball, but the country...Wow! That says a lot about the political process. Apparently, you were helped by the fact that people felt they wanted to have a beer with you. I've had a lot of drinking buddies in my day...hell, I've had a lot of drinks...but I wouldn't necessarily want some of those drinking buddies calling the shots for the free world. I'm just weird that way. But far be it from me to tell people how to waste their vote.

Anyhow, what's done is done. Well, not exactly...The tax cuts will cost several generations after ours money they never decided to spend. But other than that...Well, there is this pesky swamp of a war in Iraq. We won't be pulling out of that quicksand anytime soon. But beyond...Oh yeah...They're still waiting for the clean up to happen in New Orleans.

I did hear they had Mardi Gras though. So, may be next year we can all have a drink with you down in New Orleans. Don't mind the dead bodies. I'm sure somebody will clean the mess up eventually. May be, for ol' times sake, Laura will let you get shit-faced with a bunch of us American citizens you relate to so fucking well, you Washington outsider, you. And if we're lucky, we can all jump in a car and have a drunk driving incident that nobody ever talks about. Shit, we can rip a page out of Cheney's book, hit somebody and make them apologize on national TV for being in our way. I'm starting to see the genius of this whole "I'd like to have a drink with him" philosophy. I'm getting all excited, just thinking about us stumbling down Bourbon Street drunk as Noah himself. Now, that's the kind of drowning in Hurricanes I'm talkin' 'bout!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right on, man.

Your portion about the great let down that is the Democratic party is funny to me because just this morning I sent a long letter to the Executive Director of the DNC. After receiving one too many requests for my urgent support, I told him that while I have given them money in the past and will remain a Democrat, I will not be giving them another dime until I see them show some emotion, some anger, and put forth a fucking message that lives up to what I and many other Democrats are desparate to hear. We crave strong leadership and all we get in return is soft spongy pound cake. And if these guys can't do shit when the administration keeps fucking up one thing after another like this, I mean, I don't what hope there is.

I'm sure that letter will hit the shredder mere instants after it's opened, but like you, I just couldn't hold myself back anymore.

-- Seth

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Adam said...

Absolutely fantastic..! Your line about them being called red states because they got blood on their hands needs to go onto a bumper sticker...

You are also absolutely right in that you should not blame the Nader voters-- the elections shouldntve even been close.

Right on man! Welcome to our list!


5:24 PM  

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