Tuesday, February 07, 2006


February 7, 2006

Over the weekend, Israel Ramirez, 29, was killed in Brooklyn. He was a bodyguard who was unfortunate enough to be standing in the way when somebody decided they would prove their manhood by shooting into a crowd at a video shoot, confirming that "Brooklyn niggaz are [indeed] the craziest."


Now, I could say, "First of all, fuck rap music!" But then I would be perpetuating the lie that all rap is about violence and inspires violence. I could say, "First of all, fuck Black on Black violence!" But we've been hearing that shit for years, in one form or another, and what difference has it made?

No, today, I will address the senseless tragedy in a new way, with a new voice. I say...First of all, fuck Beyonce! "What's that," you say. "I won't stand for no blasphemin'," you exclaim. "Beyonce wasn't even there," you protest. But someone must hold Ms. Knowles responsible for her actions. She is a part of the fucking problem. I only hope that she can eventually become part of the fucking solution...literally.

And now I present to you...


New Millenium Nigga paces back and forth then faces the court.

New Millennium Nigga: We gather here today, in the Court of Public Opinion, to hear the case of New Millennium Nigga v. Beyonce, et al (aka Beyonce n'dem, aka Destiny's Child). Why are we here? Because I submit that Beyonce...and Kelly... and...what's your name, again?

Michelle: Michelle.

NMN: And Michelle...better known to the world as Destiny's Child have participated in a conspiracy to kill Israel Ramirez.

Court members murmur. Johnny Cochran, resurrected for this high profile case, stands.

Johnny: Objection. This is bullshit. You must acquit.

NMN: Is it? Is it true, Beyonce, that you sang the song "Soldier"?

Beyonce: It is.

NMN: And in that song you sing, "If your status ain't hood/I ain't checkin' for him/Betta be street if he lookin' at me/I need a soldier..." I submit that in declaring that you want a soldier you helped to contribute to the bullshit gangsta culture and image that took the lives of Israel Ramirez and Big L and Scott La Rock and Biggie and Tupac--

Johnny: Obviously, we could stand here all day and list young niggas that have been killed--

NMN: And that's my point. Young niggas are getting killed every day. How is this shit cute? You want a fucking soldier. Let me tell you what soldiers do. They kill...and they fucking die! So to every woman out there who sings along that they, too, want a soldier, know this. You are a part of the fucking problem. Do not believe there is no blood on your hands just because you are not pulling the trigger.

You have to understand the basic nature of men. They will do anything...ANYTHING...to get some ass. ANYTHING. They will go to see "Bridget Jones' Diary." They will spend money they don't have on shit they can't afford. They will say they love you as they silence their cellphone to make sure dey girl's call don't come through. And they will most certainly become the soldiers you claim that you want. Somewhere, some boy believes that if when he grows up, he "ain't afraid to pop them things," he will get a girl who looks like Beyonce. Now, why is he supposed to "stay in school," "be positive" or "be a leader" again? Apparently, there's no ass in that.

The truth is that, if men are from Mars, I can tell you what to expect when you get there. There will be sports bars. And there will be a bunch of muthafuckas standing around saying, "Hey, man, when's the next shuttle to Venus? I'm horny as a muthafucka." Beyonce, you could help the cause.

"Lysistrata" is a Greek play about a bunch of women who were so tired of their warring men that they decided that no sex was going down for anybody until their men stopped their violent ways. Now, those were some women who were willing to do their part for the struggle. When 50 Cent brags about being shot nine times -- And by the way, somebody should teach that
nigga how to duck! -- I assume he doesn't understand the damage he's doing. But you know better. I know you do. I know you all do. That's why Michelle always look like she's singing that shit because somebody's holding her family captive, threatening to kill them if she don't.

I'm a Survivor. And I'm not just saying that because I've been through enough English classes to know that "I ain't gon' talk about you on the internet" and "Cuz my mama taught me better than than that" don't rhyme. That shit don't rhyme!

Beyonce: Ain't you gonna object, Johnny?

Johnny: I can't. Nobody knows rhymin' like I know rhymin' and that shit don't rhyme.

NMN: No, I'm a survior of Flatbush, Brooklyn. And Brooklyn niggas are the craziest (see above). When Aristophanes wrote--

T.I. leans over to Li'l Wayne.

T.I.: Who the fuck is Aristophanes?

Li'l Wayne: I don't know. Maybe he's down with Mike Jones n'dem?

From the back of the courtroom--

Mike Jones: I'm Mike Jones!

The MUSIC STARTS. People start dancing.


Nobody listens. The party continues.

New Millennium Nigga grabs the Bailiff's gun and busts two shots in the air.

The Court falls silent.

NMN: That really is all you niggaz understand, isn't it? I'm'a go talk to about y'all on the internet/'Cuz I know your mamas taught you better than that.

New Millenium Nigga shakes his head and walks away.

NMN: I don't care what nobody say. That shit don't rhyme.

Rest in peace Israel Ramirez...though I don't know how you could.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Can I get on THAT jury?! Also, when will Black people learn that it's just not safe to stand in a crowd outside. If there are more than 4 Black people standing around outside (and it's not Sunday and they're not trying to get into a church - which you should run into because it's only a matter of time), some shit is bound to happen. Whenever I see that many Black people standing around outside, I usually just keep driving ... even if it means I can never go home. Niggaz need to learn to go INSIDE to congregate and talk. It's much safer. Very rarely has someone been shot INSIDE by some stupid niggah OUTSIDE.

Also, how about "Fuck those cowards?!" Driving by and shooting at someone is some BS yellow belly shit! You want to prove your manhood? Get out the car, walk up and slap the shit out of somebody. Not for any particular reason ... just on GP. Then stand there and go at it sans guns and knives. Monkeys can shoot people. Give one a loaded gun and test it. They can. They have thumbs. But, can Bubbles throw a good left hook and knock you on your ass? That's what I wanna know. So, fuck those cowards!


PS - You can add Alberto Gonzalez to your list. Stop listening to my calls, biatche!

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell 'em why you mad, son!!!

I told the hatas not to question the street cred just b/c you were rollin with the Camdens!


6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For one who reps both Southside (50's hood - or actually "my" hood - given that I am older than him and lived there first) and Brooklyn - I can speak from experience - INSIDE -- OUTSIDE -- Niggas don't give a FU%$! -- they will shoot you either way (been at places where its happened)-- especially if it means getting additional "props" - as this incident no doubt will give the shooter (given that he pulled it off in the middle of a crew of millionaires)...

So - the better advice would be to just avoid crowds all together - inside or outside - unless you are at a church... ;-) (just my 2 cents).


6:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You done did it now!

You can talk about my writing (that evidenlty comes up short); you can call my husband a disingenious Madden player; you can even say that my baby's socks don't match. But NOBODY can talk about Beyonce! Just put a knife in my heart and turn it to the left.

Why come when men decide to act stupidly, another man can somehow blame a woman. A woman who wrote a song more than a year ago. I doubt Soldier was playin on the car stereo on their way to the set. I would go on, but I can't. The pain...it cuts like a knife (Micheal Jackson - yet another perpetrater of violent thoughts).

I'm not sayin. I'm just sayin.


6:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gotta say - the sista has a point.... Orlando has a point, too - but the sista does have a point.

(Not that I'm straddling the fence or anything... )


6:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Here a brother was thinking, I am going to read the next edition of the NMN…it will help me get through the day (I work with all white people) and then I will head home to my beautiful wife and little girl (who's socks for the record match most of the time). I don't know maybe the Mrs. and I might have a nice glass of wine and snuggle (I maybe even able to spend some time on Venus...). Until…I opened up the email containing the NMN and my life was turned upside down! Anything but Beyonce...no laaaawwwwd not Beyonce. Now my plans for the day are done; done I say done!!!! Now instead when I go home I am going to have to just nod and agree with my wife as she talks about how the NMN is out of control. This is so serious that you even have my wife giving you permission to say that I am a disingenuous Madden player...now you know that is not true. Help a brother out...I don't want to be on Mars!


6:28 PM  
Blogger New Millennium Nigga said...

Nik makes an interesting point and it's one I considered before penning "The Trial of Beyonce N'Dem". But here are two things to consider.

1. KRS-One already made "Self-Destruction" and we are apparently not "All In The Same Gang". So I wasn't going to waste my time or anyone else's saying the same ol' tired shit. "Niggas should stop shootin' each other" would have gotten some boring ass Amen's or no comments at all. Holding Beyonce and, by extension, all women who reward ign'ant ass behavior with their affection and adoration -- I'm looking at you, Vivica! (That's how you end up with sweet odes to your love affair like "...if Fifty fucked Vivica...") -- was my addition to the conversation.

2. That shit was funny to me. As I told Nicole after the whole "Fuck Oprah" thang...I won't be happpy until somebody unsubscribes or pickets out in front of my house. (The Mrs. might be pissed, but I'll be taking pictures...with them...in those prison poses niggas love so much. Holla!)

Keep the comments comin'. I hope there is some disagreement. We might fuck around and find something new to add to the political landscape.

6:24 AM  

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