Wednesday, July 12, 2006

WHO IS STAR JONES?!?!?!

Welcome back to WNMN Radio 1863...the home of the "Slam-Bam-Thank You Ma'am-Oh Shit!-They shootin!-GODDDAMN!-Summer Jam!"

All you simple muthafuckas have to do is sit your ass near a radio all summer listening to ads that we get paid out the glutes for and we will lace .00000000000000001% of you with nosebleed tickets to see bad stage performances of the songs you should be sick of after listening to our wack-ass rotation through three months of Africa-hot weather.

And you can bet that no matter how many times we talk about how good it is to have Black people come together in peace, some ign'ant muthafucka will ruin it for every-fuckin'-body by clappin' dey pistol instead of dey fuckin' hands.

So, be sure to look for us...leading the evening news...embarassin' self-respectin' Black people everywhere. It happens every year. Like the changing of the seasons...or that muthafuckin' "shocking" study that shows that Hollywood is still as racist, sexist and generally fuckin' fucked up as it was the year before.

Alright, niggas...Next up, we got the latest battle rap. Looks like the ladies want to get down with all that cheddar that goes with havin' beef. Here's HGTV's Star Jones with..."I'M STAR JONES!!!"


(The track for Mike Jones' "Back Then" starts.)


I’M STAR JONES!!!

(Chorus)
When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong. (I’M HUNGRY!)

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong. (I’M HUNGRY!)

I’M STAR JONES!!!

(Verse 1)
When Barbara Walters says my name
The ho never shows no love
She had me booted out the club
Fired, like I was a scrub

It was her “View”
The thing to do
Was to choose fuckin’ Rosie
In my “View”
I was the Star
I would’a thought she would’a chose me

Recognize. My name is Star
Yeah, I might’a took the shit too far
Sponsor my wedding, Gimme some bedding
And maybe then I’ll plug your shit
Yeah, I was straight runnin’ shit
On some ol’ corporate thuggin’ shit

So they kicked me off the show
And that’s fuckin’ up my dough
Plus, my man is on the low (allegedly)
They got Star Jones about to blow

Befo’ when steaks was on the grill
Befo’ I had to skip some meals
A sista had a fuckin’ way to deal. (Yeah)

Befo’ when steaks was on the grill
Befo’ I had to skip some meals
A sista had a fuckin’ way to deal. (Yeah)

(I said...) Befo’ when steaks was on the grill
Befo’ I had to skip some meals
A sista had a fuckin’ way to deal. (Because…)

(Chorus)
When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong. (I’M HUNGRY!)

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong. (I’M HUNGRY!)

I’M STAR JONES!!!

(Verse 2)
Since I got that bypass
Folks been talkin’ ‘bout my ass
They say it shrunk too fuckin’ fast
They put a sista’s spot on blast

Even Al Roker
That joker
Tried to call me out
Then when I leave “The View”
Babs went and fuckin’ bawled me out

And Elizabeth and Joy
Fuck y’all fuckin’ bitches too
Nine years
I was down wit you
Now what the fuck am I to do?

I been callin’ agencies
Just to see
Can they handle me
They say,
“You’ve got no fucking talent.
How many Ryan Seacrests can there be?”

Befo’ when steaks was on the grill
Befo’ I had to skip some meals
A sista had a fuckin’ way to deal. (Yeah)

Befo’ when steaks was on the grill
Befo’ I had to skip some meals
A sista had a fuckin’ way to deal. (Yeah)

(I said...) Befo’ when steaks was on the grill
Befo’ I had to skip some meals
A sista had a fuckin’ way to deal. (Because…)

(Chorus)
When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong. (I’M HUNGRY!)

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong

When I was fat
Babs put me on
Then I got thin
And the bitch did me wrong. (I’M HUNGRY!)

I’M STAR JONES!!!


2 Comments:

Blogger spoken609 said...

Ok...you are hilarious. Another Ryan Seacrest...LOL...Where do you com up with it? I personally think 1)her hubby needs to come out of the closet
2)she needs to get some of the skin tightened
3)and then find a new line of work...Maybe BET can do their own version of "The View". I'm sure you could come up with a wonderful title for it...

Luv ya man.

10:06 AM  
Blogger The Divine Miss M said...

I love you. Thank you for helping me start my day with a loud ass giggle.

5:32 AM  

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