Monday, February 26, 2007


In this episode of "The Thinking Room":

ESCALATION: A Bad Idea Or A Really Bad Idea?

You can respond in writing here or click the YouTube logo, grab a webcam and respond in living color. So...



Tuesday, February 20, 2007

HNIC '07

Vote early!

Vote often!

Tell a friend!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Duke Rape Case

Your boy wonders if justice will be done down tobaccco road.

You can respond in writing here or grab a webcam and post a video response via YouTube. So...


Black Coaches

In this episode of "The Thinking Room":

They might as well call the shit Super Bowl HNIC!

You can respond in writing here or grab a webcam and post a video response via YouTube. So...


American Idle?

First of all...fuck American Idol!

You can respond in writing here or grab a webcam and post a video response via YouTube. So...


What's Your Dream?

"I Have A Dream" has become my nightmare.

You can respond in writing here or grab a webcam and post a video response via YouTube. So...


Why Are You Broke?

In this episode of "The Thinking Room":

NMN is broke because he's addicted to Starbucks. Why are you broke?

You can respond in writing here or grab a webcam and post a video response via YouTube. So...


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Friday, February 09, 2007

I Am Changing

The Rev. Ted Haggard is "completely heterosexual." Like Effie White in "DreamGirls" -- a musical and thus of no interest to a "completely heterosexual" man like Haggard -- Rev. Haggard is chaaaaayaaayaaayaang-ing.

Wow! It only took him three weeks of intensive therapy to cure himself of his gayness. And that is why I nominate him for HNIC. (For those who would employ reverse racism in this case and insist that the HNIC be Black, I respectfully point out that if Haggard could become straight in three weeks, he could probably transform himself from White to Black in about two and a half months...tops. So there.)

With the help of Jesus -- who apparently works most often with Evangelicals and Soul Train Award winners -- Haggard seems to have found the key to "solving" complicated "problems" in record time. At this rate, I'm betting that he could end poverty, defeat hunger, decrease the incarceration rate and rid our communities of drugs by Christmas.

"Hang all the mistletoe/Life for y'all niggas will be better/This Christmas."

That means that by the top of 2008 he could tackle my "Baby Daddy Is Not A Real Relation" campaign. (Seriously people, pick somebody and make babies with them. You don't have to get married, but DAMN. I'm sayin'.)

May be then he could get some niggas together to cure Cancer...and AIDS! Now, that would be a Black History moment for your ass. (But admittedly wouldn't leave much to do after March 2008.)

I do find myself wondering, though. If being heterosexual is such a simple thing, why didn't Rev. Haggard do it in the first place? I'm sure he'll explain after the election.

All rise -- to your feet, not in your jeans -- for the next HNIC...The Tranformative Rev. Ted Haggard!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Keep It Clean

Next up...the junior Senator from the great state of Illinois...Barack Obama. I hesitated to nominate Mr. Obama as his hands must surely be full with his Presidential campaign. However, I rather like him and thought he should get to actually win an election. I suspect that won't be the case in '08. (Though, like Charlie Brown doing his best Vinatieri, I cling to a sliver of hope.)

You can imagine my surprise when some Black people I talked to protested this nomination, asserting that Sen. Obama "ain't really African-American" because his mother is White and his father is African (Kenyan, to be exact). I hate when niggas start that shit, that "these niggas are better than those niggas" shit.

I hate to hear immigrant niggas insulting American niggas for being everything from lazy to loud when they should show some goddamn respect for the descendants of those who caught hell to make America a place where they could at least have a snowball's chance at the American Dream. It makes me sick to hear the descendants of slaves always looking to insult the latest group of immigrants, whether they be Haitian or Jamaican or just good ol' "African booty-scratchers"...Crip niggas versus Blood niggas...Hennessy niggas versus Courvosier niggas...Shaq niggas versus Kobe niggas...


How many different ways can we divide ourselves up. Who's more Black? Who's less Black? Want to know if Senator Obama is Black? Ask yourself this. If he found himself face to face with the NYPD one night, would they hold their fire as he reached for his wallet in front of his own goddamn house just because his mother was White and his father African? I say, "Nay!" He's Black...good ol' fashioned-Rodney King-72nd Precinct plunger up the ass-that nigga fits the description-Black! Case closed, you fucking crabs in a barrel.

But my main reason for wanting Senator Obama to be the first Head Nigga In Charge is because he's clean. I hadn't really thought about that shit before Joe Biden brought it up. But I must admit, that nigga is clean. I've never seen him lookin' raggedy and dirty going up Capitol Hill. His teeth look least on TV. And I've never heard rumors that he stinks so bad that he will burn your nose hairs. Never once have I heard that his breath stunk so bad that he would leave your tear ducts barren. That is one clean nigga. (Note: Few know this, but Senator Biden reminds me of the scientific fact that Black people are just White people who have failed to wash themselves for thousands of years. Throw in some Jheri Curl juice and some of that fried chicken grease that used to sit on the stove and we're lucky to have found a clean nigga in the bunch.)

I was talking to a Mexican guy I know -- who, for the record, I have never seen pissy drunk on tequila -- and he was saying that Obama seemed not only clean, but articulate. I was happy to hear that, as was my Chinese neighbor, who I have never seen eating rice -- or anything else for that matter -- with chopsticks. But I knew that Obama had a chance to be the new "Uniter, Not A Divider" when my gay friend -- who, to his credit, has never tried to turn me out or molest my kids -- told my wife -- who disguises her PMS remarkably well -- that he thought Obama would make a great Head Nigga In Charge.

It was tough to understand him through his effeminate lisp, but that was all I needed to hear. It's official. I nominate Senator Barack Obama for the esteemed position of Head Nigga In Charge. He's clean. And he speaks so well.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

It's A Skating Party

I did my best to convince niggas to turn on him, to ostracize him. I figured that with half the population being women I had a chance. I mean, that "rape" after "statutory" would surely turn a nation of strong, independent Black women against the "Predator of the Prom." But I have learned my lesson. May Golden Shower Power rule forever. Nothing in this world -- NOTHING! -- shall come between niggas and the music they love.

I must even confess that I found myself at a Katt Williams concert in "The Chi" on my feet and nodding my head as Snoop put down some "That's That Shit." I have to admit that shit was hotter than the projects in August. Who am I to fight against the laws of nigga nature?

Okay. Okay. I know when I'm licked (so to speak). So I nominate a man who is more than a molester...more than a statutory rapist...more than a child pornographer. He also makes hot tracks.

He's even shared his campaign song, which I think gives us a glimpse into the man and his campaign.


You may think molestation is a crime
You may think that I should do hard time
But I’m one of the biggest stars in the world
So, it’s okay if I pee on little girls.

If I make hot tracks, Niggas will have my back
If I make their ass shake, Then there’s no debate

I believe I can skate
I believe I can beat the case
Ain’t gonna be locked up for one damn day
Get on my jet and fly away
I treat Black girls like little whores
And yet I’m running out the courtroom door
I believe I can skate (I can skate!)
I believe I can skate (I can skate!)
I believe I can skate...Woo!

Ladies and gentlemen, today's nominee for the esteemed position of HNIC...Robert Sylvester Kelly.

Monday, February 05, 2007


My apologies, dear readers. I meant to share this Musing days ago, but I’ve been very busy. (Must say though, that there’s something that feels right about a Black History Month celebration starting late.) Anyway, here’s the Musing:

First of all…fuck Black History Month! Those of you who’ve been with NMN since the beginning know that Black History Month is where it all started. (Has it really been a year already?) And if you recall, the Musing-a-Day campaign was my alternative to the usual Black history trivia that gets tossed around every year.

“Some nigga invented some obscure shit. (Thoughtful pause.) It’s not African-American history. It’s American history.” No, it’s trivia. And it should come as no surprise that a people who are defined and who define themselves with trivia can be dismissed as trivial.

So, if you want to sit around smiling piously at a fucking jar of peanut butter, be my guest. (No disrespect to Dr. Carver, of course.) But I know that I must do something more to celebrate this February. And this it.

New Millennium Nation we are going to elect an HNIC.

That’s right. We’re going to decide on a Head Nigga In Charge. People are always asking, “Who speaks for Black America? Jesse? Rev. Al? Bobby Brown?” Now, we’ll know once and for all.

Next time the likes of Michael Richards says some racist shit he won’t have to wander aimlessly looking for a Black person who can grant absolution on behalf of all Black people. (Note: This is not to suggest that the HNIC must be Black. People of all races are welcome to run. As a matter of fact, a White person might do quite well as Whites have a long history of telling Blacks what Blacks think.) The world has become such a complex, confusing place. This is just my small way of helping to simplify things for people.

Reparations? Police brutality? Flava Flav? The Head Nigga In Charge will be the decider, like Dubya. And you know that means he (OR SHE!) won’t have to listen to anybody. That’s one powerful nigga. As a matter of fact, that nigga might be a no-nigga-sayin’-nigga, in which case that nigga might outlaw the use of the word nigga.

(The nerve. After A New Millennium Nigga was the nigga who had the idea to have niggas vote on the Head Nigga In Charge in the first muthafuckin’ place. See how niggas are?)

Here’s the deal. Post your nominations and by month’s end we will have elected the first official HNIC. You can nominate anyone -- anyone at all – except A New Millennium Nigga. (One, I wouldn’t want this to feel like Florida 2000. And two, I’ve had the experience of trying to organize niggas and it ain’t fun.)

So, be creative. Despite Sen. Biden’s preferences, the nigga you nominate doesn’t even have to be particularly clean. Let’s get to work people. If you don’t participate in the political process, I don’t want to hear you complaining when Gary Coleman is calling the shots for Black America. (Whachu talkin’ ‘bout, niggas?)

HNIC 2007. It’s not just going to be a part of African-American history. It’s going to be a part of American history. (Note: And it should be a fucking blast!)